The Ghosts of My Lai Essay Example for Free

The Ghosts of My Lai Essay Sometimes events in a person’s life can have dramatic effects long after the incident is over. If the problems are serious enough, psychological and mental imbalances can occur. Such is the case with John Wade. His participation in the My Lai massacre in Vietnam never leaves his consciousness. It haunts him in the forms of dreams and affects his self perception and behavior. Ultimately, it casts upon him the suspicion of murder. Throughout the details of John and Kathy’s days at the cabin, John’s nights are troubled by dreams of his time in Vietnam. He dreams of shooting his trenchmate and of other amorphous yet frightening memories. His lack of sleep and the anxiety these dreams cause haunt him during the day as well. His mutterings of â€Å"Kill Jesus† are a concise manifestation of this problem. Other than the dreams, John still internalizes his persona as a sorcerer. From his childhood, John turned to magic to make his problems disappear, or as he notes, â€Å"where he could turn bad things into good things and just be happy† (O’Brien 66). His father’s taunts at his weight and his father’s alcoholism were made easier to bear by his ability to perform tricks. When he goes to Vietnam, he internalizes his role as the magician even more and is given the nickname Sorcerer by his platoon mates. However, when he cannot make all the death and destruction disappear, the doubts begin to creep in. He accidentally kills one of his own men, makes him disappear, and this constantly affects him through dreams. Later, in the My Lai massacre, he adopts the name Sorcerer himself, perhaps as a way to disengage himself from the murders he was committing and from his ultimate crimes. Once home, he continues this need to control. He creeps around and spies on Kathy while she is at college, deriving a sordid feeling of power from this secrecy. He acknowledges that â€Å"The trick then was to be vigilant. He would guard his advantage. The secrets would remain secret – the things he’d seen, the things he’s done. He would repair what he could, he would endure, he would go from year to year without letting on that there were tricks† (O’Brien 46). It sounds as if John cannot separate his experience with death and fear in the war with his fear that his wife will somehow leave him. These feelings followed them throughout their lives, never letting up. Alcoholism also impeded upon their lives. He refuses psychiatric help. Infidelity and the ghosts of Vietnam eventually erupt to the surface, ruining John’s political career. He finds he has lost control of his life, and with the disappearance of his wife, of Kathy herself. At the end, he loses himself, leaving only speculation of what could have happened to his wife. The stress that Wade endured in Vietnam, particularly his role in the My Lai massacre, coupled with the dysfunction in his relationship with his father all led to a frightened but controlling husband in John Wade. The mystery continues.